Monday, 15 March 2010

The Andezon

They were lonely, it was late, it was hot, it was perfect. They got closer and undressed each other. He was tall and strong, she was warm and colourful. They did it, his large attributes gently penetrated her bushy parts, it lasted all night. A few months later, it was born:

A part of Peru where the Andes meet the Amazon, I call it the Andezon. Yeah, what did you think you perv?! It is quite an unusual place because mountains of up to 2'000 meters high are covered by tropical vegetation giving it what the Andes lack: green. 

Yes, the Amazon is green, very green. And if you happen to have missed the obvious presence of this colour, worry not as the local government is here to remind you that it is.

What disturbed me in other places of Peru was the dry and arid hills, the lack of trees was esthetically unpleasant making the areas where the poor people live even less attractive.

However here in San Martin, the trees made everything so much nicer and lovelier. As I ride my motorbike along the...oh, wait, I haven't told you, I ride motorbikes here. I don't drive them - people do that for me - I just sit back and get carried away by my chauffeur while I feel the wind gently caressing my hair and the insects slamming into my face. Here are a few situations:

That's me looking awesome and exclusive (pic 1):

Me looking awesome and pretending to be scared (pic 2):

And finally, me looking awesome and pretending to be bored (pic 3):

I know I probably should be wearing a helmet and hold on tight to the bike instead of taking pictures, but I'm just too cool for that.

Anyway, I was saying; as I ride my bike along the roads of the province, I realised that poverty is more fun and joyous here in the jungle than in Lima or Arequipa. I know that it doesn't sound right, but it's true. The houses are still crappy and ugly, the people are still poor and tasteless in fashion but I felt a more joyful environment. 

I got to walk into small isolated villages with native populations from the Amazon, talked to them and got ripped off by them - I had to pay this lady 1$ after she shouted at me because I took her picture - and I had asked for her permission. 

People live rather remotely, far from everything and disconnected from the world as we know it. Furniture is very limited in their homes making interior designing and decorator the least demanded jobs in the region. People live with almost nothing and yet they don't seem to crave for more. 

Nevertheless, I noticed that the Amazon - at least the Andezon - is severely depleted and trees are being replaced by vast fields of coffee, cacao and rice but mostly by pasture in order to feed our future Big Macs. It is unfortunately true, a considerable part of the region looks like this:

I knew that eating meat was bad for the environment - which gave me courage to accomplish a whole year of vegetarianism - but seeing it real made me realise how concrete this whole thing is. And I am sure that what I saw was just minimal compared to what's happening in Brazil. 

Peruvians, and all of Latin Americans for that matter, are huge carnivores. It is literally impossible to find vegetarian dishes in a restaurant (unless you go to a veggie restaurant). McDonald's doesn't even serve the VeggieMac here; everything contains meat. I try to go veggie as often as I can, but it is almost impossible. When I ask for a vegetarian alternative, waiters proudly tell me that they can offer me chicken. Peruvians tell you themselves that if they don't have meat in a meal, they feel like they haven't eaten anything.

I feel sad for the Amazon, and particularly the Andezon because we have a special connection now. Surely there are some preserved and protected areas, but they are the minority (in the little bit that I saw) and agriculture certainly is prevailing because everything grows fast.

I feel like a celebrity defending an important cause. Like Angelina Jolie or Shakira. Because: I am exclusive (please see picture number 1 above), I am an actor (please see performance in picture 2 and 3), I have a camera following at all times (well it's mine, but it sill counts) and I am - relatively to where I am at the moment - rich.

I guess that makes me the official ambassador for the Andezonian cause.


  1. As you already said Couz: Wear a helmet and stop trying to be cool on the bike!!!

  2. I think looking cool is far more important for a celebrety like you! Keep up the good work!

  3. The native old lady is such a bitch!

  4. As the ambassador of the Andezon, i will have to decline any comment about that sweet native old person.

  5. Fadi, there are no words really....

  6. woohoo! you should open an actor studio their, you with the old women would be a perfect match to start this!