Monday, 16 May 2011

Sunglasses and cleavage


The Arab uprising came as a surprise to everyone, literally.

To the West, who was torn between the joy of spreading democracy and the risks of higher fuel prices. To the Arab leaders, who didn't know their people had a voice. And to the protesters, who probably didn't know they had a voice either.

The other unexpected outcome was the government's response to these protests. Since protesting is a virgin territory for both the people and the authorities, no one really knew what to expect. Tunisia and Egypt did well, Lybia and Syria aren't.

No one can really help Lybia as their leader is a self-centered, self-absorbed lunatic with a bad sense of fashion. But I think that in Syria's case, there may be some hope. If you think about it, no one may have challenged the Egyptian, Yemeni, Bahreini or Lybian governments in the past, but someone already fought the Syrian government: Lebanon after Hariri's death.

The Syrians may not know how to defeat their government, but we do. We fought the Syrian authorities for more than 10 years, trying out every single strategy until it finally worked in 2005 (we are so avant-gardistes, by the way).

So here is a tip as to how you can get your freedom in Syria.

Love the camera and the media, it worked for us and it should work for you:


International pressure is what will make Al-Assad bail, people abroad need to know what is going on in Syria and you need to be all over the news. I know it isn't easy because of the tight media control and the government cuting off internet and telephones. Nevertheless, many photos and videos still make their way out to the world and this is what you need to focus on. You also have to make it worth the risk for the journalists to come to Syria and take some nice shots of protest scenes.

So this, for instance, is a no-go:


What is that? A crowed of stinky men?

This is what you want:


Two words you have to keep in mind: sunglasses and cleavage.

With such hot and glamorous protestors, the world will start paying attention to your cause. The world is a superficial place and the young viewers from the West are your target. Don't forget that in their perspective you are competing with the latest Lady Gaga video and the only thing you are currently offering them is a bunch of Arabs protesting in dusty flipflops and out of fashion ripped off shirts.

So I repeat in case you didn't get it the first time.

SUNGLASSES:

I know this pic is probably from the 2006 war

And CLEAVAGE:


Trust me, this will allow you make it to the top news, because look at the BBC website, you're number 7 in the top 10 of the most read news. Number 7? That's so weak.


Another small tip for the international viewers' convinience: be multi-lingual. Don't sit around in a square and shout like cattle, carry big signs in several languages, ideally French, English and Arabic.

I actually think this poster is still available somewhere in Beirut, let us know if you need it and we can send it to you ASAP.

I hope these tips were helpful. Please do not hesitate to use this blog as a platform for any questions you may have about taking down your government.

Syria, you are welcome. 

18 comments:

  1. I' LL TRY TO SPREAD THE ADVICES!

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  3. This post is hysterical. In fact, we cover similar tips in the first edition of the Dictator's Handbook (http://dictatorshandbook.net). Get in touch if you'd like a review copy: if your readers appreciate this article they'd probably appreciate the book as well. info@dictatorshandbook.net if you're interested in getting in touch.

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  7. Safe again to write , buddy .

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  8. Maybe remove this post. Or one or the other.

    Could be worth it ...

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  9. Fiorina for President ... :-( your fault , moderndictator . yours . and only yours . ( kidding . clean me up burundi rwanda mess , will you ? it's like switzerland and austria . do not ... ( damn it ... ? just too beautiful to see those two streithaehne fighting ... hm , le petit burundais ... ;-)

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  10. La bonne Nouvelle ? Ont nouveau tool pour detecter rassiste ( person avec agenda bipolaire )agissant sur stereotype rassiste en état de fatigue . automatique . coupe automatiquement connexion . en retour plus de bébés ... donc peut-être suisses introduisent de même deux bébés règles . peuvent se casset ces cons qui ont besoin plus que deux enfants pour laisser lasting legacy .

    Bonne Chance

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  11. Tu veux dire sur la lune ? Hmm ... Combien tu payes ? ( non fumeur ... reality tv show . global audience . certain .

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  12. Donc oui , on a peché dix mille poissons aujourd'hui .

    ( f&t corp )

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  13. Et donc tu vois , entre garder cinque cent mille fass en main privé ou mille fass gaz toxique en main public ...

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  14. ... and tenthousand endives have been eaten today by slugs . c'est comme ça .

    ReplyDelete